


This Is Why I Love You

by paintingsinthedark



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Gen, Homelessness, Homophobia, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Minor Violence, More like self-comfort, Nonbinary Character, Parent Death, Trans Character, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24277939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintingsinthedark/pseuds/paintingsinthedark
Summary: A hurt/self-comfort fic because the author is sick of: homeless character gets taken off the streets by rich dude, homeless character has one trust issue problem that is quickly resolved, homeless character finds family and happily ever after.This fic is not that. This fic is a story about a kid, kicked out, living on the streets, who does get taken in by rich people, but ultimately heads out on their own and finds their own way once they're back on their feet a bit.ON HIATUS - NO CURRENT PLANS FOR COMPLETION
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning: This is not the way I usually write. Plot is not my strong suit. Chapters will be short. This might end up abandoned. 
> 
> There was a note here about giving myself an upload deadline and boy did that not work out so I'm deleting it from existence.
> 
> Enjoy!

This is why I love you, she says. Her fingers are tracing my palm. They are long. She is long. When I am older I will understand that the word is graceful, but everything about her, to me, is long. She is long and skinny but a good skinny, because she isn’t skinny all over. 

This is why I love you, she says, because you dance with me. Because I birthed you. Because you want to learn about the world. Because we color together, because you help me cook. This is why I love you, she says. It’s because you are mine, and I am yours. 

That’s called a vice versa! I’m excited to remind her about the new word. Yes, she says, You are mine, and vice versa. I am yours, and vice versa.

~§~

This is why I love you, she says. She is bending town to kiss my cheek. I love you because you are brave. I love you because you are curious. She is letting go of my hand. Have a good first day of school! I fiddle with the tag around my neck. The bus is big. You’ll like kindergarten, she says. Go on now. I love you. She waves to me as we drive off, and I wave back.

~§~

This is why I love you, she says. She is sitting crisscrossapplesauce on the rug. She is still long, but she is less skinny. She holds crayons. Blue, pink, yellow, purple. She is drawing a sunset. They are my crayons, but I let her borrow them. I love you, she says, because you let me draw with you. Because you help me sweep the floors. Because you are kind to your classmates. Because you love me, and I love you. 

~§~

This is why I love you, she says. She is holding a suitcase. She is wearing a suit. It’s because you will miss me. I love you because I will miss you too. I love you because you helped me pack, even though you didn’t want me to go.

I don’t want you to go, I say.

I know, she says. I don’t want to go, either. I promise I’ll be back. No longer than one week. I’ll be back in time for your birthday.

The other woman-Auntie May-kisses her on the cheek. I’ll take good care of your kid, she promises. 

I’ll be back soon, she tells me. One more kiss. She goes through the doors. 

Come, Auntie May says. We’ll have a grand old time, you and me. We’ll plan your birthday party, yeah? How old are you turning? Eleven?

Yeah, I say. Eleven.

~§~

Come, Auntie May says. I have some bad news for you. Your mom isn’t coming back.

Auntie May is tall, but not as tall as Momma. Auntie May is fatter than Momma, but she’s pretty too. One time I heard Momma call Auntie May plump, and Auntie May laughed and said she was Comfortably Squishy. Auntie May wears bright colors and smiles a lot.

Auntie May wasn’t smiling. 

What do you mean? Of course she’s coming back! She promised!

You can’t promise your way out of death, kid.

She’s not dead! She’s NOT! 

She bends down and hugs me awkwardly. I’m sorry, kiddo, she says, but sorries aren’t going to bring Momma back.

~§~

I go to live with Auntie May in Chicago. _This is why I love you_ , I think, _but you left me and you broke your promise and now I don’t know if I love you anymore and I want to go home because this place is not my home. I want to go home._

_~§~_

By the time I turn fifteen the want to go home has passed. May doesn’t say this is why I love you. I don’t want her to. 

~§~

By the time I turn fifteen I have discovered something new, and it is called gender fluid. I tell May that I think I am that. 

~§~

By the time I turn sixteen I am on the streets. I do not have a house to go back to, and I realize that the house became my home and I want to go home because the streets are cold. 

But May wears a cross and says the rosary every day and I know that I want warmth and a house and steady meals, but that house is not where I want to find it.


	2. Chapter 2

This is where I find myself, months later. Fifteen months and I am here, curled up in the street side end of my alley. I am very hungry and it is very cold and it is winter. It is January so the cold is more cold than usual. It is early January, which is worse. 

I’m trying to keep warm in my sleeping bag, when Hey. I flinch, I jump away from the hand on my shoulder. Hey, says the person the hand belongs to, are you hungry? 

I am hungry. He hands me a McDonald’s bag. This was for my friend, but I think you need it more than he does. I stare at him. I’ll leave you be now, he says. His hands shove into his pockets as he walks away.

I eat the food slowly, once he is out of sight. I finish it over three days. I do not eat much anymore.

He returns. He finds me, again and again. No matter where I hide. 

Muffins. 

Pork chops.

Sandwiches.

Garlicky mashed potatoes.

I see him for a long time. Spring comes. He gives me food when he sees me. Sometimes I think about saying thank you, but my muscles don’t work that way anymore. 

~§~§~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeek. This was short.
> 
> Comment and kudos if you enjoyed! They serve very well as motivation!

**Author's Note:**

> (authors thrive on comments and kudos, so if you feel so inclined, I would be very appreciative of them)


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